Home can be a feeling

It has been a minute since I’ve last sat down to write a blog post! I wanted to give you all a little update and talk about feelings. 

I finished up my East Coast trip at the beginning of March, booked a last minute surprise visit home, left home to go to New Zealand and now I’m updating you all from Cairns in Australia. To say my life has been a bit manic is definitely an understatement.

So… what has been rolling around my brain for the past 5 weeks?

Homesick, feeling overwhelmed, big changes, scared of making life decisions knowing they will be impactful to my future, stressing about money, work, sponsorship, finding a new home, starting over again. Some of the many things over working my little brain.

Let’s rewind to January 31^st2019, the day I left my home in Bondi to begin my travels. Since then I haven’t had house keys, a bed or wardrobe… ultimately I left a little place that was my home away from home. It’s now May and I’m still on the road. That’s 4 months of unpacking, repacking and living from my big pink suitcase. How amazing? How fun? How lucky am I?

Yes I agree, when I write it down like that it seems like a whirlwind fun journey others would only envy. I almost feel guilty for admitting my feelings because I know how lucky I am to be travelling the world. I’m young, healthy and living a life others may never get the opportunity to experience. That said I wanted to highlight the side of leaving home that most people don’t see or talk about.

Going home was so much more than a surprise visit to me. It was a journey made up of a new realisation every day I was there. 

It was the realisation that Australia is actually a really far jaunt home. I cried tears of joy on my plane journey home to surprise my family, god forbid I would have to travel under tragic circumstances- an added worry to my stressing. 

It was the realisation of important events I had missed and will miss.

It was the realisation of how big the children had all got, how the years were running away with the young and the old, how my granny was keeping. Time stays still for no one. 

It was the realisation I wouldn’t be ‘down the road’ from my best friends for god knows how long, when would I be back again? 

It was the realisation I’d moved out of home. I know that sounds ridiculous because I moved out in July 2017, but when I left then I was sure I’d be back a year later. Now I’ve realized it’s the end of me living under my parent’s roof because Niall and I are planning to save for our own house.

It was the realisation that even if I came home it wouldn’t be the same. Time won’t sit on pause at 2017 for eternity, nor will it wait on me to come home and hit resume.

The realisation of all these things hit me like a tonne of bricks. Leaving home again left me feeling empty inside. 

I jumped on the plane from home, spent two days in Sydney unpacking and repacking to head off for another 7 weeks. I can’t explain to you how uneasy I felt boarding the flight to New Zealand. I was crying because I wanted it to be a plane heading back to Ireland. I knew it was going to be almost 2 months until I saw Niall again, the person who helps me most when I feel homesick. 

After 2 weeks in New Zealand my cousin joined me for the remainder of the trip. She currently lives in San Francisco and I couldn’t have had a better shoulder to cry on because she just gets it. She too has had the travellers worries and experienced it all. I feel so much better in comparison to what I did even just a week or two ago. I’ve stopped thinking at ten to the dozen. I’ve relaxed my thoughts and banished the negative ones from settling in. 

To anyone who is travelling, feeling homesick or maybe just feeling unsettled- I feel you. My best advice is as follows;

Take a step back, take a deep breath and ask yourself ‘why am I worrying about this in particular?’ ‘Is this out of my control or can I implement steps to help?’

Stop overthinking and creating unrealistic scenarios in your head. 

Don’t stress over simple things.

Keep a diary of emotions and release your feelings.

Don’t be afraid to cry or ask someone for advice/ reassurance.

Change your mindset to view things as opportunities and experiences. 

Play some ocean waves white noise at night to help you unwind, de-stress and fall asleep. The sound of the ocean is good for the soul I believe!

Repeat after me: CHANGE IS GOOD

We don’t always have to look at the bigger picture. Sometimes a bigger picture can be stressful. We can take things step by step and at our own pace.

A personal recent example of freaking out over the bigger picture is our sponsorship visa. Niall and I are submitting sponsorship which costs a shit load of money and grants us 4 more years in Australia. I got myself in a fluster and had a major meltdown over the sponsorship visa. I literally crumbled thinking how am I going to be away from home for 4 more years. If this is my life now, I’ll feel homesick forever. 

Break it down Gemma. You are not a tree rooted into the ground, you aren’t stuck in one place forever. Nothing is permanent. You are only 1 day away from home and it will always be there.

This morning I woke up with the realisation that home doesn’t have to be a place; home can be a feeling. I feel at home when I am with Niall. I can’t wait to squeeze his wee face verging on 7 weeks since I last seen him! It doesn’t matter your postcode, time zone or country, you too have the power to create a sense and feeling of home and contentment.

I wanted to share this blog post with you all because I wanted to show you that I too get overwhelemed, feel anxious and need to take a step back. I hope you can find comfort in this post and use my advice to help shake your feeling. Just remember to enjoy the journey don’t spend it stressing about what is next. Live in the moment, ride the waves and trust your own path. Soon the journey we are on will become distant memories!